A Tribute to Mom 2020

via A Tribute to Mom! Please enjoy her poems!https://katb8587.wordpress.com/a-tribute-to-mom/

 

Mom & dad wedding

I wanted to share some of my mom’s writings; eight years ago, she went Home to her eternal rest. I hope and pray that she love, self-worth and peace that she could not find in this life. She was very in love with my step-father at the time she wrote these poems. He didn’t love her as much! The above photo was/is my parents on their wedding day 59 years ago! I wish it had been happier for them! Nobody can deny that she had a way with with words! I will see you when my time comes at the feet of Jesus! Until than, I love and miss you everyday! I hope you know now that there is always hope! This poem below is about my brother

Glen's poem from Mom

Looking Up- When There is Nowhere Else to Look to be Okay!

When 2019 began, my message was about looking up!  I didn’t know at the time that I would have to do that so much. Just over a month later, my husband went Home to his rest eternal. My husband and I were very close. His passing made me more curious about Heaven and just what he might be doing up there. Of course, I received no definite answers to my questions. But, I did get closer to God in this process. I have had the wrong impression of Him. When I was little, I used to think of Him as a stern, corrective and rather joyless Father. My thought was that He could not wait to show us our mistakes, keeping a tally of each one. I felt as though God spent most of the time being greatly disappointed in everyone, especially me!

However, I am starting to really understand the grace given to you and me by His death on the cross and resurrection. None of us really deserve His love and grace, but we get because He is not only a kind and loving Father, a Dad, but an understanding friend. Grace is defined as “The love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us/me to have it, not necessarily because of anything we have done to earn it.”  Another lesson that is finally sinking in is that getting into Heaven has nothing to do with our/ my own own good deeds. Good deeds come from wanting to please God and a desire to be like Him.

I don’t want to cram my beliefs down the throat of anyone, I am just sharing my thoughts with you, but I hope it is helpful to you. With the Covid-19 going on, so much is beyond anyone’s ability to control it. Some also say that the days of the U.S. being the most powerful nation in the world are few now. That is why we don’t appear in the book of Revelations. There is much talk about the New World Order, perhaps, there is truth to it; some signs are there for sure. In the meantime, I will put my hand in the hand of the Man from Galilee! I would rather think positive, especially since Barry is no longer here to lean on – not in the physical sense anyway. So why not look up and ask for His Help and protection. Let me know what you think!

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Photos courtesy of Google

Hope & Lessons I am Learning

End of death, sin, agony and pain.
Abundant joy and life everlasting.
Savior for the broken, imperfect souls in every one of us.
Triumph over addiction, hate, loneliness, depression and tears.
Everyone who asks has a mansion in His heaven.
Redeeming grace, love and forgiveness He gives His children.

These are the the blessings that my husband, my parents my grandparents are now enjoying, yet my frail human spirit misses them all and thinks of them daily. Part of me longs to be with them, yet I am still here. This means that my job is not yet done. Due to my Cerebral Palsy, I did not expect to be. Several people told my Barry to expect to be a widower at a young age. The irony is that God had other plans and took my husband first. just last year.

I had grieved deeply before.  But, my grandparents as well as my parents were all very ill, very elderly or both. In any case, I had time to get used to the idea. I had learned that it is better that they go Home, away from me, that for me to pray for them to stay with me is very selfish on my part. This did not come to me in a flash of great insight, but gradually. I lost them slowly, inch by inch. I was aware of the magnitude of their suffering whether they spoke of it or not. I felt it!

With Barry, it was very different. I felt like he was stolen from me and our daughter. I watched her do CPR on him. I saw him being yanked to the ground as the EMT’s arrived. After 33 years 3 months 1 day and 22 hours, he was just gone in the blink of eye, before my daughter could tell him that we loved him. There was no denial nor bargaining with God. I tried. I was reading the last few pages of the book by Don Piper, 90 Minutes in Heaven.  I was told by someone to leave – they needed room to move around. Like so many times before, I was in the way, my chair took up too much space, and it kept me from being where I should have in the bed, holding his hand. Suddenly, it occurred to me that this was the reason that God had me read the book. I was to pray my Barry back to life. I prayed and I prayed. I could not lose him now. In a few months we would be in a position to buy a home of our our own, out of a major city. His tests had actually shown stability and his blood sugar and blood pressure were down. Therefore, death seemed impossible!  Up until I left him at the funeral home for the last. time, I held out hope for a miracle! His face looked at peace, not contorted in pain. The constant pain made him have age lines that he may not have had yet, but for the pain, The lines were not present in younger years. The biggest lesson I learned was God/Jesus does hear and respond to our prayers. Barry was finally free of pain and constant self-doubt. He never felt worthy or good enough on this Earth! From the look of peace on his face, I knew that he finally felt good enough, loved enough. That was  a miracle!  (Matt. 7-8). Also, Romans 8: 28. However, I wanted it done here on Earth with me to witness it, but God wanted it done a different way! Until, I left him, I thought it may be the ultimate Joke. He looked like he was having the best sleep in ages! There was a small part of me that expected him to suddenly awaken and say “Gotcha good that time, didn’t I?

Who was going to take care of me? I certainly did not want my/our daughter to carry that burden. The truth is I need a lot of help with ADL’s, otherwise, called essential activities of daily living. These include: bathing, dressing, transferring in/out of bed etc. Another lesson I learned is just how much our daughter is like her dad. Just at the time that my income went down a great deal and my rent was going up well past my total income, my daughter found a place which she could afford, just as her dad had planned, away from the city. While the care-giving situation has not always been smooth (it takes 6 people to take the place of my Barry). Naturally, that doesn’t even count the spousal things that go into it! BUT, my point is that God provides! (Matthew 6). Again, (Romans 8:28). Sometimes, it is just enough, but He is taking care of me!cropped-doves.jpg2012

 

FINALLY, I  was reminded that;

Wild & Placid – God’s Handiwork

 

In response to:

Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge #283 Placid & Wild

 

Like active children, streams run,

Wild in storms, so fun.

Yet placid in summer days.

Streams run quiet like the bays.

Or roar like ocean seas – BIG waves,

Both God’s handiwork.IMG_6147

 

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Peaks & Valleys

Living among valleys, 

it’s hard to believe mountain

peaks are so nearby.

 

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In response to: https://ronovanwrites.com/2019/11/18/weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-4/

My Life has Become a Country Song

I’d rather not marry twice,

he might be like freezing  ice,

He may be as a bald as ball on a pool table,

And not handsome like Barry or Clark Gable.

And I am sure not a beauty like Betty Grable.

 

These days, I’d meet a guy who thinks it’s a great prank,

to make me pay for it all and break my little bank!

I might meet a guy with a weird name like Esa

who has nothing better to do than run up the Visa,

Than I would just have to say as loud as I can, “Bye Felicia!”

 

The real truth is that there will never will be another you, another us,

that completes me like my only one. He was the minus to my plus.

The two of us were blessed. God and love made us a success.

Why settle for a distant second when I have had God’s best.

Anyone else would not hold my heart. Why settle for less?

 

Now, you can see why my life is a country song,

I will, someday, find a new place for me to belong!

 

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